Writing Music is Making My Brain Hurt. 

   Anyone who plays music can tell you that's it's difficult just to pick up an instrument, not to mention trying to write your own music. Lately I've been working on a lot of stuff, including an acoustic version of a song, and some of my own music, so my brain has constantly been on something that has to do with writing. Sometimes it's trying to figure out notes, or something that rhymes and flows nicely with the rest of the song. Which, mind you is really hard to do without a guitar to even see if what your doing is correct.

And it's not even like I'm focused on only the music either, my brain has been multitasking so, I can do other things, and do school work and such, but I'm still processing music.

I don't know someone might want to get me tested for sanity, because I'm 600% sure I'm loosing it trying to do this.

What's nice is the fact that I have close friends who I can share lyrical genius with, and get opinions from someone who knows what they're talking about.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this to be completely honest, I don't know I feel guilty letting my blog go untouched for forever, so have fun reading my little ranty rant or whatever someone would even classify this as.  

Heros

        Dovahkiin, Superman, Thor, Spiderman, Mario

         The list of make believe heroes goes on and on. All make believe, and before all the die hard fans attack me just hear me out. Why? We live in such an advanced world, there's crazy amounts of technology, there's people everywhere, organizations for just about everything.
So why, there are obviously heroes everywhere, people taking time out of their day to help, to carry an injured person, to sit with someone through the night. Why is there a need for these make believe characters?

         Some people have planted themselves in history, but it's pretty plain to the eye that a lot of people get looked over and taken advantage of. There are some people in this world, that would give someone the shirt off their back in a heartbeat. And the only thing that someone can muster most of the time is a "Thank you" and a backstab later. (I'm well aware that some people are genuinely thankful for peoples help, but there are quite a large amount of people who don't care to be appreciative.)

         I've done my fair share of being hero for people, but its been quite a while since I've done any crazy amounts of hand holding. Don't get me wrong, if someone wants to talk to me for a bit about something, I'm all ears, and I'm definitely not above giving someone a hug or giving them a lift to church if they ask. In fact if anyone asks me to be some sort of helper for them, I'd do it in a heart beat. But, I don't search for people who need help. Because most of the ones you find (at least in my experience) are the ones who do it for attention. And attention seekers are the ones that will get you.

         You can try and flip the world over for them, put a halt on your day, and put everyone around you on hold, but they will only care for a moment, if they even care at all. Let me repeat this ONE more time, I'm not saying this is all people, just a fair amount of them, so don't go getting angry. But there are some people who will take your good intentions and stomp on them. They will try and bring you down, and try and put you below them, reading to far into things you say, insulting you, jumping to conclusions when all you said is a "How can I help?"

         It's a mad world.


         

        

     People take advantage of things 

       It's painfully obvious that people are disrespecting the tragedy that happened today.
If you go on instagram and look up anything to do with Boston you'll find someone posting endless pictures strictly for likes or to make fun of them. It's really pathetic. The worst offenders are of course the young people, who think that having any sort of empathy is looked down on. And I guess in a lot of instances it is. But I'd rather be someone willing to sit down and hug someone, rather than walk by with my nose up.

       People have poked fun at me for a lot of things, mainly my religion and things associated with it. My purity ring causes snickers and stares, I get weird looks when I talk about my blog.
  

      Yeah I'm kinda a Jesus freak go ahead judge me. 

                            Friends are difficult. 

    Don't get me wrong, I love my friends to death, but sometimes they just test you and push your buttons. Even if its something stupid and really isn't that big of deal can hurt you pretty bad. Like, if your group of girls goes out without telling you, or, something bigger, like them talking bad about you. They are just difficult.

    But I believe that God puts people in your life for a reason. Some are there to make you turn tail and run back to the light, some are there because He knows you can help them, and bring them home, and others are there to make your life a happier place, and take you out to movies spontaneously. But I don't think we ever really know why God placed them with us, until we do some deep reflecting, and even then we still may not know. I've had friends in my life, who were dragging me to such a dark place, and now that I look back at it, it made me run back to God with arms as open as I could manage and a heart being held together by thread for fixing. It's given me a testimony, that one day could help someone else. I also have friends that stand together with me and run with me towards God, they are always there when I need them, and bible study with them is a blast. Then there are my friends that can be generalized as difficult. I don't mean this in a rude way either. Some are stubborn, others have been dealt a hard time, and refuse to see light. It's just a struggle.

   "God is interesting in building you up" -Notes from Roger Archers sermon on 4/13/13

   Sometimes these friendships result in chaos, hurt and loss of trust, and we just ask God, why, and we question him. Some can even turn away from him. It's just for character building, because when we think about it, we wouldn't be the way we are now if something didn't happen to us. If we didn't face someone stabbing us in the back, we wouldn't pick friends that were beneficial to us. If we didn't have a bad influence 1.) We wouldn't know how bad our parents punishments could be c:, and 2.) We wouldn't have the morals and rules for ourselves that we have now. There are endless examples of this.

  In the last few months I have seen such a change in myself, in my personality, in my attitude, the amount of people who want to talk to me, the jumping around and acting a fool in public places has defiantly increased. I just feel a ton better, and it's a result of me coming back to God.

 I had every intention of ending with a nicer point, and I also had the intention of not making this a wall of text, but I guess both of those didn't work out did it? Well, on a sidenote I'm going to try and get three posts in a week. It sounds like a valid number and something that I could easily do.

- xo Julia

The Path Back to God : It's Okay to be a Hypocrite

  I really hate (even if it is a very strong word) how the word hypocrite has such a negative meaning. I mean, whats so wrong with changing your mind, being enlightened or being proved wrong? It just makes you a little smarter- a little wiser. I'm not going to lie, when I was in middle school, I was very evolved in church, all I wanted to do was serve God. Then I hit a pretty low spot, where I felt so alone, friends left me for popularity and I hit a standstill. I began to feel unloved and incredibly alone. I was a 6'0 tall awkward girl, who had just got out of her scene phase. People ask me why I don't like tumblr, and its because from what I've seen it has an extremely negative effect on people. It exposes people to things that are very negative, but it shows them as cool, trending or whatever you want to call it. I have a few friends personally that have found themselves on a very destructive path, and I feel like it is because they were so wrapped up in how many followers they had, and how they looked to the outside "trending" eye. I, as embarrassed as I am to say this, was the same way for a while. Luckily I caught myself with the help of a loving mother, a great friend, and of course the feeling of purpose I felt in the presence of God, and reminding myself of that.

 I don't really want to go into all the crazy details of just how bad I got, but to kind of explain what happened, I fell into a massive depression, started to self harm, stop eating, and make myself out to be someone that I am not. Everyday I thought about how much better it would all be if I was just dead, and how much I didn't want to be here, how I didn't have a purpose and I was just another face in the crowd that would never be missed for more than a second.

  I never want to go back there. I never want anyone to feel the same way I did. So many girls in my generation are so wrapped up in popularity, that they are willing to do anything for attention. From exposing themselves on the internet, to forcing themselves to be something they are not. Everyday I see girls on instagram, facebook and twitter posting pictures of themselves in compromising ways. Their dying their hair, strictly for attention, hurting themselves and showing it off to the world. It makes me sick, and all I want to do, is pull them to the light of God, so they to, can feel that absolute rush of being healed.

 But back on the topic of returning to God, I was very afraid to be a hypocrite. I was worried that people would look at me, scowl and say something along the lines of "Look at her, she's just a wreck." But, as it turns out, I kinda am. And that's okay.  For a while, I refused to see the obvious. I did everything I could to stay away from church, and away from God. My bible was hidden so I didn't have to see it. I scoffed at anyone with any amount of faith. I was such an idiot, not because I didn't want God, no there are a lot of people who deny God, but are brilliant. No, I was an idiot because I knew where I should have been, I knew where the healing was. But I refused to go where my pain would be lifted, and instead decided to sit and loathe myself in it. 

 Here at Foursquare Church, there is a conference held annually for tweens, teens and young adults. United Generation 2013 is what brought me back, and saved me from the Hell that I was binding myself to. As soon as I walked into that familiar church, felt the vibration of the bass guitar during worship, I knew that I was there for a reason. It was the starting line to what was quite possibly the longest, and most fulfilling weekend of my life.